Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Look Mom, No Hands

OIL EXECUTIVES HAVE HANDS.
AND THEY'RE COVERED WITH BLOOD.
Please exuse this disturbing photo conservadroids. I mean I know reality is terribly inconvenient but today I really feel the need to ask you all something. I'd like you to kindly put down the twinkie, turn off your iPod, put your cell phone on vibrate, pull over and WAKE THE F*CK UP!
This war is a sham. Yeah I know, you're sick of hearing about it. Poor thing. You don't want to see the coffins of soldiers, the graves of sons and daughters. The maimed and mutilated innocent children. Thousand upon thousands upon thousands. You don't want to hear that you've been lied to - that this war isn't for a good cause, a noble purpose. You don't want to know that it is all in the name of CORPORATE GREED. But I'm going to tell you anyway...and I'm going to keep telling you....Sorry, but war is hell isn't it?
Commence conservadroid deprogramming sequence A875b-99. This war is NOT about protecting us from terrorists. This war is NOT about making the Middle East stable. This war is NOT about unseating a dictator. This war is NOT about Wepons of Mass Destruction. This war IS MASS DESTRUCTION! And the reality of this wretched bloody carnage is being hidden from you. You are being lied to over and over and over again. This war is about MONEY, OIL, WEALTH AND PROFIT. These bastards will use WMD, Osama bin Laden and Jesus Christ as excuses to murder, rape, pillage and steal, all in order to make themselves rich. America needs to wake up and hold this administration responsible for their traitorous LIES and Murder. Our standing in the world is ruined. Unquenchable greed mockingly packaged as a War on Terror, has spawned entire new generations of terrorists who now REALLY have a reason to destroy America. Every passing day that we keep our heads in the sand - complaining about gas prices as we drive our Hummers - is another day we remain silent accomplices to this criminal war and whores to the oil pimps of America. Generations to come are going to pay for the greed of these evil men. How much longer will you remain their accomplices? WAKE UP AMERICA! In the name of whatever God you choose, Wake Up.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Wicked Witch of the West Wing

IS BUSH FINALLY having a meltdown? This is like something out of a Joan Crawford movie! And what a gutter mouth on Dubya! I mean imagine how he sounded before he found Jesus! But before I get ahead of myself - rumors are flying that things are getting mighty ugly at Castle Crawford now that everyone knows the king has no clothes! Perhaps his "vacation" is actually a convalescence. I don't know how true this story is but history shows (i.e. Nixon's meltdown, Ronnie's short workdays, Nancy's tirades and Bill's dalliances) that there tends to be more than just a grain of truth to these Whitehouse rumors. Well, it sure sounds like classic Dubya. We all knew this creep was a bully but apparently now the old outhouse door is flying off its hinges. Not unlike Dorothy's house in the Wizard of Oz - remember that story involving a wicked witch and a city led by a wizard - who is actually controlled by a white-haired man hiding behind...ok, too creepy. And By the way, when then hell do we get to wake up from our nightmare? Oh Auntie Em, where are you???
So I'm reading about Dubya's mental breakdown and I'm thinking it all sounds so familiar! Hmmm...let's see? War protest, check...president caught in a lie, check...private citizens unraveling a corrupt administration, check...Presidential temper tantrums and public unraveling, check! Folks, pull out those old Jefferson Airplane records, its deja vu all over again!
Bush's Obscene Tirades Rattle White House Aides
By DOUG THOMPSON
Aug 25, 2005
While President George W. Bush travels around the country in a last-ditch effort to sell his Iraq war, White House aides scramble frantically behind the scenes to hide the dark mood of an increasingly angry leader who unleashes obscenity-filled outbursts at anyone who dares disagree with him.

“I’m not meeting again with that goddamned bitch,” Bush screamed at aides who suggested he meet again with Cindy Sheehan, the war-protesting mother whose son died in Iraq. “She can go to hell as far as I’m concerned!”

Bush, administration aides confide, frequently explodes into tirades over those who protest the war, calling them “motherfucking traitors.” He reportedly was so upset over Veterans of Foreign Wars members who wore “bullshit protectors” over their ears during his speech to their annual convention that he told aides to “tell those VFW assholes that I’ll never speak to them again is they can’t keep their members under control.”

White House insiders say Bush is growing increasingly bitter over mounting opposition to his war in Iraq. Polls show a vast majority of Americans now believe the war was a mistake and most doubt the President’s honesty.
“Who gives a flying fuck what the polls say,” he screamed at a recent strategy meeting. “I’m the President and I’ll do whatever I goddamned please. They don’t know shit.”
Bush, whiles setting up for a photo op for signing the recent CAFTA bill, flipped an extended middle finger to reporters. Aides say the President often “flips the bird” to show his displeasure and tells aides who disagree with him to “go to hell” or to “go fuck yourself.” His habit of giving people the finger goes back to his days as Texas governor, aides admit, and videos of him doing so before press conferences were widely circulated among TV stations during those days. A recent video showing him shooting the finger to reporters while walking also recently surfaced.

Bush’s behavior, according to prominent Washington psychiatrist, Dr. Justin Frank, author of “Bush on the Couch: Inside the Mind of the President,” is all too typical of an alcohol-abusing bully who is ruled by fear...
You can read the rest of this article here.
Thanks Jack! keep those blog posts coming.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Republicans Need Protesting Lessons

Apparently Republican's aren't as good at protesting as they are at stealing elections.

This from today's AP wire:

...There also were some heated moments at the pro-Bush rally when Bush supporters mistakenly identified two people as war protesters. The two walked in with a sign that read "Say No to War — Unless a Democrat is President."

Ok, that in itself is stupid on several levels - one being that the other war we said no to was Vietnam, when democrat Lyndon Johnson was in office. But it gets better....

Many Bush supporters only saw the top of the sign and believed the men were war protesters, so they began shouting and chasing the pair out. One man tore up their signs.
When Will Marean of Minneapolis kept repeating that he was on the Bush side, one Bush supporter shook his hand and apologized.

...then kissed him hard on the lips and asked him if he'd like to join the boys for some Saturday night gay bashin' and cross-burnin' Crawford style.....yeeeehaaaawww!

Friday, August 26, 2005

George and Karl's Excellent Adventure

Bush's Latest Rationale

A wonderful letter in Today's Boston Globe. This guy says it better than I could....and he's from Mississippi... Who'dve thunk?
YOU HAVE to give the guy credit. George W. Bush is a genius when it comes to contriving explanations for why we should continue to send our troops into the Iraq meat-grinder. As each rationale collapses, he fills the breach with a new one.
We all know the arguments: Iraq was behind 9/11, had WMDs, was a nuclear threat, Saddam had to be removed, elections had to take place, a constitution had to be written, the Iraqi Army isn't ready to take over, etc.
The latest justification for the war is a real beaut and goes like this: So many soldiers have died so far that we have to ''stay the course" so that their deaths will not have been in vain -- i.e., as people die we have to send others to die to honor them.
The genius of this rationale is that it can be invoked ad infinitum; it remains valid for generations not yet born.
Yes, indeed, Bush is the consummate snake oil salesman, selling death as a justification for itself.
ROBERT R. REGL, Hattiesburg, Miss

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Operation Enduring Greedom

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

What My On Did I Summer Vacation ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ by Goerge Bush

Isn't it wonderful the President is taking time off from his 68 week vacation to remind us why American's are dropping like flies with no end in sight! I had completely forgotten that....
  • We're fightin' em over there so we don't have to fight em here!
  • They attacked, they attacked, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11....
  • Freedom's on the March.
  • Gotta finish the job!! It's what the fallen soldiers would have wanted! (isn't it, like, so kewl how he speaks for the dead since, like, they can't and stuff...)

I'm guessing on that last one that the job they still need to finish is the final coat of gilding on those ornamental turrets for Halliburton's HQ in Umm Qasr. Well, in any case now that he's relieved me and the rest of the country of our silly doubts, we can go back to the "country's business"...bashing gold star moms, outing CIA agents and shredding John Robert's paper trail. And why can't that lazy Mexican Attorney General use the Patriot Act to lock up all those commie ditch-dwelling dissenters who are standing in the way of Freedom!! Well, hopefully George will have time to get back to his bike rides and brush clearin' with Uncle Dick.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

America's Oil Rehab

“Step 1: Admitted we had a problem and that our lives had become unmanageable.”
- Alcoholics Anonymous

Like any addiction, America’s dependence on oil is making our country increasingly unmanageable. Our near-term future is actually quite predictable. It is a well-worn path followed by every alcoholic, cigarette smoker and compulsive gambler. We won’t fix our problem until we “bottom-out” and face recovery straight in the face. Intervention is required but the first step is actually admitting we have problem…Houston.

Denial is a powerful element of addiction for a very good reason. If you are an addict, be it booze, pills or Skittles fruit candy (my vice) you have become one precisely because facing your problems is so daunting and repugnant a task, that harming your body, losing your friends and ruining your life actually becomes a preferable alternative! This is clearly not rational and such warped thinking can only be achieved with lots and lots of D&D (drugs and denial). It is a vicious cycle where things get worse from the drugs, resulting in a need for more drugs and more reasons to escape. Until the very end, denial keeps the addict blissfully unaware even when it is as clear as day to everyone around them. The downward spiral doesn’t end until it can no longer be ignored. For addicts, this is called “bottoming out” and it is the first and most important step in recovery. Ironically, “bottoming out” is almost celebrated in the recovery world because a) by definition, there is nowhere to go but up and b) the addict has now learned that they have to face their issues head on. They can no longer put a band-aid on a bullet hole. So begins a long, slow, painful process of learning how to live all over again but learning a better way to live.

And what, exactly is the “right way” to live? Turns out, at its simplest, it is a life of service, of helping others. Twelve-step recovery is founded on the principle that addiction is simply obsessive-compulsive behavior. You stop being obsessive when you stop being self-centered and begin thinking about others and living “outside of yourself”. No one who learns this escapes feeling skeptical that a concept so simple can work as a philosophy of life. Fewer still, overlook the irony inherent in the fact that the less energy you spend trying to make yourself happy, that happier you actually become. However, anyone who’s been through recovery or is close to someone who has, knows exactly what I’m talking about.

America is addicted to oil and our behavior is being affected by it. We are losing our friends on the world stage. Our “suppliers,” aware of our addiction, are charging more and more for each fix. We are destroying our body (the environment). In a fog, we know something is vaguely wrong with this picture yet our denial is so strong we can’t see the cause. We are becoming a late-stage addict, huddled in a corner, hoping the kerosene we found under the sink will get us high and still unaware that oil is our problem.
The solution? Clearly immediate intervention is required. However, to be successful, we must sincerely admit we have a problem and not just say it but actually believe it. We must be willing to change our ways with every fiber of our national soul. Frankly, it probably has to get a lot worse before we are ready to face our problems and change. The contrast of leadership is striking. Bill Clinton told us not to be afraid of change. George Bush has told us to be afraid, very, very afraid.
Sounds easy enough right? Well, as any one whose been through physical, mental or chemical rehab can tell you, learning what to do is easy, actually following through with it is a different story. However, the key to success will be those simple prescriptions I laid out above. We will solve our problems when we stop acting as a self-centered, do-it-alone, materialistic nation and start thinking about what we can do to help others at home and abroad. This is not just bongo-banging liberalism. We have had 5 years of unfettered greed and mass consumption; yet look at the situation we are in. Getting off oil will not only save the environment, it will get us out of our middle east quagmire, create new, more domestic energy industries which, in turn, will actually improve our economy. It will allow us to focus on important domestic issues (education, healthcare and jobs) long neglected because of Bush's Oil War.
Our president is, by his own admission, a recovering alcoholic. I wish him only the best in his personal recovery. However, his foreign and energy policies are baffling. Since he is the leader of the free world is it not reasonable, indeed judicious, to explore his motivations personal or otherwise? In this regard, is he truly in recovery or has oil become his new “old friend”?

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Hitting the Fan

Draino is still on assignment and even though poor George Bush is on vacation, he can't escape the expoding turd blossoms all around him. Both of these articles are from yesterday's Boston Globe. It's finally happening fellow liberals and misguided conservadroids! The public (and the Conglomerate Media) are finally coming around to the fact that this administration is not only incompetent but downright evil. And while we ALL mourn the death, division and pain that has beset the families of this country, vindicated liberals deserve a well-earned moment to sit back and watch the fireworks. We have waited five LONG years but patience and Karma are beautiful things, don't you think? READ ON!

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Battle fatigue is setting in

The public has grasped that the Bush Iraq policy has made the Middle East more dangerous for US armed forces and US national interests. This reality is widely sinking in, except to a narrowing circle of Vice President Dick Cheney, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, and a compliant George W. Bush.
Not a day goes by without some surprise attack in Iraq showing the insurgency gaining, not on the run. Civil society for ordinary Iraqis is getting more dangerous, not more orderly. The enterprise of ''nation-building," an idea ridiculed in 2000 by candidate Bush, has become the disaster he warned about. It took the founders of the United States more than a decade from the failed Articles of Confederation to the 1789 Constitution. The Iraqis, far more divided and under siege, face unrealistic orders to complete their process in a few weeks.
Voters have no appetite for an indefinite occupation. The most recent CNN-USA Today Gallup poll shows Americans consider the war a mistake by a 54-44 percent margin, and 56 percent want some or all US troops withdrawn.
Bush's inept response to Cindy Sheehan's encampment outside his ranch has begun to catalyze the administration's worst nightmare -- a revived antiwar movement led by the loved ones of GIs killed and Iraq veterans themselves.
But now what? Many legislators of both parties, such as Democratic Senator Joe Biden and Republican John McCain, who have been scathingly critical of the war but can't quite bring themselves to discuss withdrawal, also insist that America must ''stay the course,"
This is muddled thinking. There are exit strategies more likely to produce tolerable stability than the present course.
One approach, promoted by the former minister of electricity in Iraq's interim government, Aiham al-Sammarae, would pursue a political solution to what is plainly becoming a civil war. Sammarae, long a prominent opponent of Saddam Hussein, has conferred with a range of US officials. He proposes bringing in most excluded groups that now fuel the armed insurgency.
Sammarae ties this process to a phased US withdrawal, a reduction of Iranian influence, and a political settlement, with major armed resistance groups participating, except the minority of foreign Jihaddists and terrorists of the al-Zarkawi network, who would then be politically isolated.
As part of a stabilization process, US troops could be replaced by a multinational constabulary and reconstruction force. The US occupiers, now a resented lightning rod, would exit Iraq, sparing thousands of young Americans likely to be killed or maimed, and reducing the level of daily violence menacing Iraqis.
In the meantime, there is growing independence among GOP members of Congress who got a wakeup call last month when Democrat Paul Hackett, an Iraq war veteran highly critical of Bush, nearly won an upset special election in Ohio's most Republican congressional district. Republican Jean Schmidt won, 52-48, down from a 72 percent win in 2004 by incumbent Rob Portman, who stepped down to become US trade representative.
As Bush becomes a lamer duck by the day, Republicans now worry more about saving their own seats in 2006. Unlike Bush, they must listen to public opinion.
As support for withdrawal grows, so it grows in Congress. In May, five House Republicans, along with 123 Democrats, supported Representative Lynn Woolsey's amendment to the defense authorization bill calling on Bush to submit a withdrawal plan -- up from last January, when only 35 members of Congress, all Democrats, supported Woolsey's similar resolution. Woolsey plans hearings next month.
In the Senate, Republicans such as John McCain and Chuck Hagel have become more effective opponents of the Bush policy than their Democratic counterparts. The most prominent Democratic foreign policy spokesmen are fearful of seeming irresolute, and reluctant to embrace anything smacking of withdrawal.
A June op-ed column in The New York Times by Senator John Kerry criticized Bush, but proposed mainly better planning and training of Iraqis, and creation of a multinational force to secure Iraq's borders -- all smart variants on Bush's policy, but none likely to hasten America's withdrawal.
Public opinion is fast outflanking Bush's war. It remains to be seen which party will lead in cleaning up his mess.
Robert Kuttner, co-editor of The American Prospect, can be reached at kuttner@prospect.org. His column appears regularly in the Globe.

© Copyright 2005 Globe Newspaper Company.
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Guzzle gas, and pretend

GASOLINE IS over $2.50 a gallon, the death toll of American soldiers in Iraq is over 1,850, and what patriotic, heroic displays of sacrifice can we find on the American landscape?
Bigger garages. Bigger houses. New fuel economy standards that will omit the biggest cars. Hoo-aah.
Brave Marines we are. From the halls of McMansions to the steps of our SUVs, we fight our exurban battles, ripping up every living tree.
Next month will mark four years since the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11. Four years is a time period often associated with sending children off to institutions of higher learning in the assumption they will become members of an enlightened citizenry.
But the four years since 9/11 have come and gone with no sign that the United States sees the light. As soldiers pay the ultimate price in Afghanistan and Iraq, we continue to be toy soldiers, the invulnerable warriors of consumption. No report of a real soldier dying from a roadside bomb, no administration assertion that fades into falsehood, not even fill-ups that hit $40 and $50 a tank has spurred us to question our schizophrenic nature.
For four years, Americans have waved flags and stuck ''Support the Troops" magnets on the backs of their cars. Such acts, of course, stem from sincere sentiments we all share for their safety. But we can no longer escape our responsibility in one of the most insincere wars in the nation's history.
We have allowed a president to send off the sons and daughters of the working class and the poor to invade Iraq, killing thousands of innocent Iraqi working class and poor along the way. As each day passes, the fact that no Osama has been flushed out, the fact that no weapons of mass destruction have been found, and the fact that there was never a tie between Saddam Hussein and 9/11 becomes not just Bush's responsibility but ours as well.
Americans probably know this deep down. It is almost as if we are binging to distract us from the needless killing. We build bigger subdivisions as far out as we can, no matter what it means in commuting time and $2.55 gasoline.
Even though the average size of the American family has shrunk, the average size of a new home has grown from an average of 983 square feet in 1950 to 2,330 square feet today, according to the National Association of Home Builders. The percentage of new homes over 2,400 square feet has zoomed from 10 percent in 1970 to 38 percent today. The percentage of new homes with two-car garages has grown from 39 percent in 1970 to 82 percent today.
In a New York Times feature this week about ''living large" in the exurbs, a sales representative joked with a family that was looking at a model home, ''Lots of places to hide, aren't there, boys?" It is mathematically impossible for the rest of the world to live like this. As the boys play hide and seek for a moment, the parents play out the fantasy that hiding from the reality of consuming a quarter of the world's energy and producing a quarter of the world's greenhouse gases is an all-American right.
Unfortunately, it is difficult for a populace to be enlightened if its leader keeps leaving it in the dark. President Bush, according to the Times, is planning to leave out mega-SUVs such as Hummers from new fuel economy standards, apparently to ease the competitive strain on Detroit, which has invested far more in selling gas guzzlers than foreign automakers. With the explosion of SUVs (trucks now account for 50 percent of light-duty vehicle sales), the nation's average fuel economy has been flat for a quarter century and has actually fallen slightly, from 22.1 miles per gallon in 1987 to 21 miles per gallon today.
It is now the responsibility of Americans to turn on the lights in the White House. It is understandable that the United States prefers presidents who enable our denial. The death of each soldier denies us that privilege. Supporting the troops just might involve rethinking what it means to have a ''Support the Troops" magnet on an SUV, and asking ourselves if we need that much room in the exurbs to hide from each other.
Derrick Z. Jackson's e-mail address is jackson@globe.com.

© Copyright 2005 Globe Newspaper Company.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Biking Toward Nowhere

Conservadroids, today's class is cancelled on account of Draino being on a special assignment. However, your assignment is "Biking Toward Nowhere" Maureen Dowd's latest editorial in the New York Times. But don't worry, you'll enjoy it. Cheers.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Draino's Top 10

The Top 10 Differences between Liberals and Conservadroids:
  1. Liberals believe the most needy among us need the governement's help. Conservadroids believe that the most greedy among need the government's help.
  2. Liberals believe in finding peaceful solutions and going to war only as a last resort. Conservadroids believe in starting a war as they're going to their peaceful resort.
  3. Liberals believe that the world's problems are complex and complicated and that solutions are equally complex and complicated. Conservadroids believe...what was the question?
  4. Liberals believe that gun control is a modest attempt at laws that might reduce the number of gun-related deaths. Conservadroids believe that gun control is cupping your left hand under your right and aiming carefully while gently squeezing the trigger.
  5. Liberals believe that every woman should be free to choose between abortion or adoption. Conservadroids believe that every embryo should be free to choose between military deployment or lethal injection.
  6. Liberals have a loving God. Conservadroids have a wrathful God.
  7. Liberals believe the government should get out of people's bedrooms. Conservadroids don't believe in bedrooms, they believe in closets.
  8. Liberals believe freedom means people should be allowed to make mistakes. Conservadroids believe that human malfunction is unacceptable and can be prevented by chip implant technology and 24/7 video surrveillance.
  9. Liberals believe that our thirst for oil has resulted in foreign conflict and destroyed the environment. Conservadroids believe we are simply followin' the bible. Y'all know, where it says though shalt invade other countries, drive big cars and charge sinners $3 a gallon for gas.
  10. Conservadroids believe our current leader deserves long vacations to his Texas ranch. Liberals believe our current leader deserves a permanent vacation to his Texas ranch.

Monday, August 15, 2005

My New Neighbors



...well ok, just higher fees.



If you moved into a new neighborhood and started beating up the litttle kids on your block and robbing people's houses well, chances are you wouldn't be invited to any neighborhood pot lucks. But if you're Bank of America and Governor Mitt Romney of Massachusetts is in your pocket well heck, here's a baseball bat and the house keys...help yourself!!

MY STORY
So I had a bank account with Fleet who was the behemouth bank of the northeast before Bank of America swallowed that whale. Even the name "Bank of America" suggests the coming of an era of total monopoly in the financial services industry. True to the time-tested formula of mega-mergers, BofA laid off 5,000 people and changed the terms of service (in their favor) without telling their new customers.

HOW IT WORKS
Simple really, you screw your customers coming and going. In my case, I don't have overdraft protection because they charge (you guessed it) huge hidden fees if and when it kicks in. Since this pretty much defeats the purpose I take a pass on overdraft. Instead, I go online frequently and keep a close eye on my bank balances.

SORRY CHARLIE
Worked great with Fleet. Never had a problem with overdrafts. All of a sudden I'm hit, wham! wham! wham! Three time in a row. What the hell is going on? Turns out, B of A changed the accounting algorithm such that you never know how much money you have in your account. What a helpful service that is! All a part of their "higher standards". You see, when I use my Visa debit card, say to buy $50 worth of groceries, they take the $50 out and "freeze" those funds "pending" a final debit from the account. No problem there. Well what's different with B of A (which they didn't bother to tell me) is they then PUT THE MONEY BACK IN YOUR ACCOUNT FOR 3 DAYS. The funds are no longer frozen. Then three days later, you've withdrawn the money, not knowing it is suppose to be covering a debit transaction (you still with me?) and BOOM....Overdraft. $35.00 fee. They can make an easy $100. off each customer before they figure it out. Add to that all the money they save "Walmarting" the banking industry and your talking about a serious chunk of change (but don't think they'll cash your penny rolls). Of course, when these idiots get themselves into another banking crisis who do you think is going to bail them out? Organized crimes got nothing on these guys.

SHAME ON YOU BANK OF AMERICA

People take their hard-earned money (even harder to earn after you FIRE THEM) and deposit it in your institution with the expectation that you will uphold your fiduciary duty to them. Instead you violate the public trust with hidden fees, confusing loan and credit card terms, bait and switch interest rates and other unscrupulous practices. You're a bunch of thugs.

BOTTOM LINE, BOYCOTT BANK OF AMERICA. They are a greedy, unethical mega-corporation and their service sucks (and I haven't even mentioned the credit card horror stories) - which brings me to Alan Greenspan and his "independent" Federal Reserve. They, along with the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency (say that 3 times fast) are supposed to be regulating the outrageous practices of these banks. Talk about asleep at the switch! What a GOP party hack Greenspan's turned out to be! Anyway, if any of you have your own bank horror stories I'd love to hear them. Also, feel free to share them directly with the OCC (who is supposed to regulate Nationally chartered banks like BofA). The number for the OCC is 800-613-6743 or visit their website [click on this post's title link]. Either way, it's the best way I can think of to welcome my new neighbors.

For more information, read this article from Business Week.

Banks: "Protection" Racket?

Friday, August 12, 2005

Democracy 101

"People willing to trade their freedom for temporary security deserve neither and will lose both"
- Benjamin Franklin
Good Morning Class!
As a part of your deprogramming and disassembly as a Conserva-droid, you will be required to complete remedial democracy training. This is the first step of your re-entry into society. Eventually you will even reacquire the ability to think before speaking and to speak without foaming at the mouth.
Lesson #1
The Difference Between Democracy and Tyrannical Monarchy.
  • Tyrannical Monarchy. Our current form of government. It is where the first-born son of a previous leader assumes complete political control by virtue of birthright whether they are qualified or not. It has been modified recently so that the leader assumes control under the guise of a free election that is actually rigged.
  • Democracy. Under this form of Government qualified leaders are elected by the majority of adult citizens each of whose vote actually counts as one vote. Citizens are not prevented in anyway from voting based on race or socioeconomic status and leaders actually abide by the will of the majority.
As this recent excerpt from the Boston Globe (Aug 12, 2005) shows, Republican's still do not understand the basic difference between the aforementioned forms of government.
“The Republican Party says it still has a zero-tolerance policy for tampering with voters, even as it pays the legal bills for a former Bush campagn official charged with conspiring to thwart Democrats from voting in New Hampshire…The Republican National Committee has spent more than $722,000 to provide Tobin, who pleaded not guilty, a team of lawyers…”

My dear conserva-droids, if you are beginning to sense that the Republican party has been lying to you (and all of us). You are well on your road to recovery.

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HERO OF THE WEEK

Our Hero of the week is Cindy Sheehan, who not only gave her son in what she thought was the defense of our country but is now single-handedly waking up a sleeping populous that is slowly and reluctantly becoming aware of the fact that we are in deep poopie-poop (otherwise known as a quagmire).

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CREEP OF THE WEEK

Our Creep of the Week is George W. Bush for refusing to take one hour from his one-month vacation to speak to a mother who GAVE HER SON to his phony "war on terror" that was actually an exuse to vindicate Daddy (tyrannical monarchy, remember?). George is already a recipient of the special Creep of the Week Lifetime Achievement Award for his long-running campaign of perverting religion for political gain, foreign domination and rape of the environment.

By the way, how many of y'all get one-month summer vacations during the middle of a war that you are losing?

Thursday, August 11, 2005

An Ode to Love

No ranting satirical cynicism today. There will be plenty of time for that. (in fact, we haven't even mentioned G.W.B. yet). No, today I am revealing a softer side and my attempt at prose....
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The Treasure Chest
Something occurred to me recently. The reason they call that part of the body above one’s stomach a “chest” is because, like many chests, it holds a treasure. Locked behind a fortress of bosom and ribcage lies the greatest treasure anyone - rich, poor, successful - destitute, joyful, despairing - anyone will ever own. A treasure that, secure in its chest, can only be taken from you with your permission. Giving another the key to your heart is the ultimate gift - an act of awesome trust and selfless love. Some would say it is foolish, reckless. Others may repost it is the only way to enjoy the riches of that which lies hidden in a rib cage. I say there is truth and fallacy in both of those things. The mistake is made in proffering access to this vault without ever taking inventory yourself. For even in light of all its riches, so many never open their own treasure chest and look to see what lies inside. Is it for fear that it might instead be Pandora’s Box, holding horrors that even the bravest individual dare not face? If it is a trap, I advise triggering it first and releasing its steely grip from your broken nose before graciously offering this treasure trove to the love of your life. This act of chivalry is a test of your love and love is the only way to fully enjoy the riches that lie inside you. Completing this task, passing this test, allows you to share your treasure, your love, without fear. For it is a fearless soul indeed that embarks on the journey of private exploration, the greatness of which is only exceeded by the rewards inherent in such an adventure. Today I am packed, fastened and geared up - ready to begin a trip to the very tundra of my soul and hoping to return a hero.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Message in a Bottle

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...Just Make Sure You're Drunk As Hell First!!
Don't you love how the Conglomerate Media celebrates individuality in this country? Take these guys for instance. They only need 12 beers each to "be themselves". Others find their true identity with hard liquor, pills or good old reliable street drugs. I mean, that's what makes us each unique! It's truly a beautiful tapestry of diversity don't you think??

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Blogged Down in Conservo-sludge? I've Got the Drano

"Who am I and what am I doing here?"
- Rear Admiral James Stockdale, during a surreal 1992 Vice Presidential Debate

You can call me Drano. You know that acid you pour down the drain that sometimes explodes in your face and melts your skin? Anyway, there are alot of blog-brained conserva-droids that need an acidic solvent to penetrate the cranial conservo-sludge. That's where "Drano" comes in. My real name is known to some and easy enough to uncover by those very few who actually care. I'm not so concerned about anonymity. I'm just another ranting northeast liberal who hates the direction our country is headed in and wants a forum to spout out about it! So this is it... I've removed my identity from the mix so it doesn't dilute the message, which is far more important than the mesenger. I do, however, hope to sprinkle my rants (which often take the form of letters to the conglomerate-controlled media) with some humor and other philosophical tangents that float around in my crystal clear Drano filled brain (uh, yeah.). Anyway, I figure if no one reads this, It will make me feel a lot better to rant into the cyber void about the a**holes running this country than to mutter to myself as I walk down the street.

"Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my closeup."
- Norma Desmond, " Sunset Boulevard"

So with that I'll throw in a recent rant that was published in The Boston Metro last week. (I'm 3 for 3....they must be really DESPARATE for content!):

"I have seen very little public outrage by the fact that rich, middle-aged, white men are deciding the fate of rape victims and other woman who want easier access to "morning-after" pills. It is unconscionable that Romney and now Pataki are restricting access to these pills in a move to bolster their standing with extreme elements of their party. Pardon my cynicism but these governors aren’t considering the women who are directly and adversely affected by this legislation. This has nothing to do with the “deeply held beliefs” of these politicos. In fact, they don’t care about morning after pills. These guys are currying political favor to the far right in order to position themselves for a presidential run. This is simply “divide-and-conquer” politics ala Bush, Rove and their idol, Richard Nixon. When do we, as nation, begin expecting more from our government? Republicans keep talking freedom and liberty while chipping away at our civil rights. While Romney and Pataki are getting all sanctimonious about morning after pills perhaps they should consider the endless slaughter of cattle sizzling on plates at their presidential fundraisers or the lives of innocent young people fighting a war we shouldn’t be in and cannot get out of."

Monday, August 08, 2005

Virtuous America!

Anyone read David Brooks' Latest Op-Ed in Last Sunday's New York Times?

Here is a juicy excerpt...

"The decline in family violence is part of a whole web of positive, mutually reinforcing social trends. To put it in old-fashioned terms, America is becoming more virtuous. Americans today hurt each other less than they did 13 years ago. They are more likely to resist selfish and shortsighted impulses. They are leading more responsible, more organized lives. A result is an improvement in social order across a range of behaviors."

Here is my Letter to the Times.

"America is becoming more virtuous" crows David Brooks in "The Virtues of Virtue" (8/8/05). I, for one, am very relieved to hear this. You see I was under the ridiculous impression that we had become a violent, crass, mean-spirited culture. I don't know about family violence statistics but it wasn't that long ago when you could drive your car without being the victim of road rage. We left our doors unlocked. I walked safely by myself back and forth to elementary school each day. America believed it was virtuous not to torture POWs, regardless of what our enemies did. Naive? Maybe. But to turn around and tell us how much more virtuous we are today reflects a level of denial that would have made Ozzie and Harriet proud. "

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Not only do Republicans want to turn the clock back, they are now delusional enough to think they have succeeded. I feel like Dr. Miles Bennel in "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" or Joanna Eberhart in "The Stepford Wives". Take your pick. Either way I'm surrounded by unblinking Conserva-droids telling me how wonderful our brave new world is....ugh. Are these people being manufactured by Halliburton, or what? Maybe that's the REAL news story. It's not so far fetched actually. Perhaps oil is so expensive because we're using it all to run the 24/7 Conserva-droid factories in Iraq? Maybe Robert Novak's public meltdown was a malfunction of his Conserva-droid processing unit? (he is an older model, you know).

I'm going to do some more digging on this story and keep you all abreast of these developments!
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